Very Funny

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Back in your great grandfather's time the weirdest thing you could go off to study was maybe a degree in philosophy - maybe one in opera or watch-making. In modern times, the options are so much wider, weirder and, well, some of them might even be a little pointless. Here are some of the weirdest things you can get a degree in... A Degree in Thanatology aka Dying Thanatology is known as the scientific study of death, dying, funeral rites and the human process of grieving. We'll admit that it's not the weirdest thing you can study. It's even a little useful. There are many practical uses for counsellors who need to understand the process better; but what if someone studied their Bachelor of Arts in Thanatology alongside a degree in Fine Cookery? That would make it creepy. Once you've got your basic thanatology degree, which includes modules like Popular Culture and Death, Children and Death and Suicide, you can pick a more specialized direction like Pastoral or Music Thanatology. (Yes, there are specialized directions in death studies, and not one of them include "how to be a serial killer" or "where and how to hide bodies".) According to Music-Thanatology Association International, a music thanatologist means you "provide musical comfort using harp and voice at the bedside of patients near the end of life." Jesus, that sounds like a terrifying way to die; please don't A Degree in Surf Science and Technology Thanks to Cornwall College, you can study a FdSc (Foundation Degree Sciences) in Surf Science and Technology. Possible jobs you can get with this extensive qualification apparently include the surfing industry and surf-related businesses as well as teaching or event management. According to Cornwall's official website, modules for the two year full-time surfing degree include Culture of Surf & Sport, Media & Events and Surf Practice - although they also mention that applicants won't actually gain any practical surfing experience. Wait... What the fuck happened to just going out and surfing? A Degree in Pizza Instead of dropping out of college two years in because you hate the direction you picked, choose to study something you really love from the start. If all you're really interested in as a college student is pizza for four years, you're in luck. In 2015, Manchester Metropolitan University in the UK announced a partnership with the popular restaurant chain Pizza Hut to train their managers - about 1, 500 people for starters - "from Level 1 to degree level" in the art of, well, pizza. The course includes everything from the money behind a Pizza Hut to what goes on a great pizza: (Just an uneducated guess, but we'd say pizza things, right? A Degree in Weed By graduation, most college students have probably smoked, ingested and inhaled enough weed to qualify for an honorary degree. Unless, of course, they actually get a degree in it to begin with. THC University offers a variety of courses dealing with sweet leaf including Marijuana 101 Certification, Trichome Budtender Certification, Horticulture Specialist Certification and even [...]
Thu, Nov 23, 2017
Source: Very Funny
10. Cranberry Sauce Cranberry sauce is kind of like the uncle you don't like: It's not you favorite part of Thanksgiving, but part of you would miss it would miss it if it wasn't there. More of a tradition than a tasty food, cranberry sauce is the worst part of the essential Thanksgiving foods, but it still deserves it's spot in the spread. At the very least, it goes good as hell on a sandwich the next day. 9. Turkey   Turkey itself is....well it's not that great. It's fine. I don't hate it, but despite the fact that it's the most famous part of a Thanksgiving dinner, I also think it's by far the most boring part. If your Thanksgiving plate is an episode of The Fresh Prince, then turkey is the Uncle Phil: You don't hate it, but you're clearly watching for Carlton and Will. Don't get me wrong, it's a necessary part of the plate. It just can't compete with the likes of the higher ranked foods on this list. 8. Mac and Cheese Okay, if you're like me, mac and cheese isn't actually a part of your Thanksgiving dinner. That said though, why not? WHY THE FUCK NOT, AUNT JULIE?!?!?!?! It has all the makings of an essential holiday side, and yet it hasn't yet managed to make its way onto the table yet. This right here is my call to arms. It's time we all stand up and fight for mac and cheese. With any hope, by next year it will be given its due so I can place it higher on the list where it deserves. 7. Green Bean Casserole To be clear, I've never actually eaten any green bean casserole. I have, however, eaten those little French's onion bits off the top of one, and for that alone it has earned its spot on the list. 6. Gravy Gravy can be very hit or miss, and if you think about it for more than two seconds, you realize just how disgusting it is. That said, there's nothing as satisfying as unifying all the disparate elements of a Thanksgiving plate by drenching them all in gravy. Gravy is gross but satisfying, and that's also how I would describe the perfect Thanksgiving dinner. 5. Rolls Rolls are a toss up. If they're good **Cough**Pillsbury crescent rolls**Cough Cough** they're the absolute best part of a meal. If they're bad, then they're forgettable and disappointing, but still useful in sopping up superior parts of the meal. With that in mind, I decided to split the difference and place them smack dab in the middle of the list. 4. Mashed Potatoes Mashed potatoes taste great! They are satisfying and no Thanksgiving meal would be complete without them. There is very little negative I can say about this wonderful side dish. Honestly, the only reason it's not higher is that I feel like they are often directly compared to stuffing, and that's a match up they simply can't win. We'll get to that later, though. 3. Yams Any food that allows you to eat [...]
Thu, Nov 23, 2017
Source: Very Funny
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1. The Morning Commuter "Outta my way! I gotta get to work - but first, I GOTTA have my coffee! And even though I'm in a HUGE rush, I'll keep forgetting to move forward in line because I'm checking emails on my phone. Still, I'll get incredibly impatient with the baristas, who SHOULD know my regular order by now is a double shot half-frap with soy." 2. The Person Setting Up Their Home Office "Uh, yeah, I'd like a small coffee, please. That's enough of a value exchange for me to set up my home office at a table for the next 10 hours, sucking up electricity and free wi-fi and the limited sitting space here while I leisurely work on my screenplay. Also, whenever I have to go to the bathroom, I'll make some stranger watch my things so I don't lose my spot. Strangers at coffee shops love suddenly being forced to take responsibility for the possessions of others so they can take a 20 minute deuce at a place of business." 3. The Couple On A Terrible First Date "Hey, we're meeting at Starbuck's for a first date because we want to get this relationship started off on the worst foot imaginable. It'll feel like a job interview, we'll both wind up with coffee breath, and at least one of us is going to wanna pull the ripcord after about 15 minutes. Luckily, we're both being extremely self-conscious and awkward and making it obvious to anyone who sees us that this is a first date that is definitely not going to lead to a second date." 4. The Homeless Person Who Wants To Use the Bathroom "You SAY you feel bad for homeless people, but I see the dirty looks I get when I just want to come in and use the bathroom. Is that really asking so much? I have literally NO WHERE ELSE TO GO - what difference does it make to you if I just use this bathroom to relieve myself, wash up, and masturbate furiously for an hour? My life is miserable on a level you could never comprehend, so please just let me have this small amount of dignity. ...also sorry about the mess." 5. The Person Trying To Use the Bathroom Without Paying For Anything "Just popping into this coffee shop to use the bathroom - no, I'm not gonna BUY anything, I just wanna use their toilet. I'll just try to sneak past the barista so they don't give me any dirty looks and - OH MY GOD I THINK A HOMELESS GUY WAS SHITTING IN THE SINK. ...and YES I am still going to complain to the manager about the gross state of the bathroom, even though I'm just using the facilities for free and still have no plans to buy anything. If that sounds entitled, well...that's because it is." 6. The Most Tired Person In the World "I know I look like a walking zombie - that's because that's basically what I am. I don't get enough sleep, I'm overworked to the [...]
Wed, Nov 22, 2017
Source: Very Funny
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9:00 AM - Wake up and feel an immediate sense of dread and foreboding about all the relatives coming to your house for Thanksgiving. Also, still super hungover from Black Wednesday. 9:15 AM - Actually get out of bed after checking your phone for 10 minutes and justifying in your head why you HAVE to get up for another 5 minutes. 9:30 AM - Sit on the toilet way too long since you're still catching up on Instagram and Facebook. 9:45 AM - Another 15 minutes, staring in awe at everyone you know having already baked perfect looking pies and dishes and turkeys. 10:00 AM - Okay your legs have fallen asleep it's probably time to take a shower and stop freaking out about how much better everyone else is at cooking. 10:15 AM - Get out of the shower, immediately miss the shower and wonder if you could get away with just taking a daylong shower. Maybe you could text your mom and get her to bring you stuffing in the shower? That would be amazing. 10:30 AM - Dried and dressed, head downstairs to the kitchen to help your parents cook. 10:31 AM - Ah, pretty much everything is already done because your parents woke up at 6:30 AM because for some reason that's what parents do on Thanksgiving instead of sleeping in. 10:35 AM - Getting some lowkey passive-aggressive comments from your mom about not being up earlier to help. Get assigned potato peeling for the mashed potatoes, which is something you at least feel like you can handle. 10:36 AM - Immediately nick your finger and start bleeding onto the potatoes. 10:50 AM - Got your finger band-aid-ed up and the potatoes peeled, so now it's time to help tidy up. 10:51 AM - Okay you put your socks in the laundry hamper, the house is OFFICIALLY tidied up. 10:52 AM - Ugh, apparently your dad says the bathroom needs to be cleaned, your room's a mess, and there are a bunch of dishes that need to be done from all the meal prep. THIS IS WHY WE SHOULD JUST USE PAPER PLATES AND PLASTIC FORKS AND KNIVES, DAD. 12:30 PM - Okay, the bathroom is clean enough (wow who woulda guessed behind the toilet could get like that?), your room looks mostly fine as long as no one checks under the bed, and you've done a decent enough job on the dishes that you should be okay. 12:45 PM - Update: you did NOT do a decent enough job on the dishes and then your mom started re-doing them and made you feel guilty and so you said you were going to go on a grocery run for more rolls just to get out of the house for a second. 1:15 PM - Oh crap you forgot to pull out of the driveway because you were checking your phone and seeing EVEN MORE PIES. HOLY CRAP HOW IS EVERYONE ALL OF A SUDDEN THIS GOOD AT PIES? IT'S LIKE THE GREAT BRITISH BAKING SHOW ALL IN MY FEED. HOW DID [...]
Wed, Nov 22, 2017
Source: Very Funny
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1. The Tyrannosaurus Rex had a better shot at meeting human beings than meeting the Stegosaurus. The Stegosaurus lived during the Cretaceous period, while the Tyrannosaurus Rex could be seen roaming around the Jurassic period (like the movie... you get it). Our scaly-backed friends lived a whopping 150 million years ago but the T-Rex didn't evolve until about 67 million years ago. If you need some help with the math, that means about 83 million years separated the two species. And you know what's LESS than 83 million years? That would be 67 million years - meaning modern humans are living closer in the timestream to T-rexes than the Stegosaurus. You heard it here first, folks: The Land Before Time was full of shit. 2. Anne Frank, Martin Luther King Jr., and Barbara Walters were all born in the same year. You read that right - they were all born in 1929. Some others born during that year include Audrey Hepburn, Arnold Palmer, and Dick Clark. Each of these names made quite an impact during their lifetimes, but Barb is still kicking at age 88. 3. More than 6% of all humans who have ever lived are alive today. The first Homo sapiens appeared around 50,000 years ago, and for most of history the population grew very slowly. By 9000 BC, the estimated world population was five million people. However, improvements in agriculture and sanitation (yay, toilets!) helped bring the world population to one billion by 1800, and 6.2 billion by 2002. The most recent research was calculated by demographer Carl Haub, who estimated that slightly over 106 billion people have ever been born, resulting in the above percentage. 4. Before 2016, The Chicago Cubs' Last World Series Championship Was Won Pre-Women's Suffrage The Chicago Cubs' victory last year was the first time that they a won a World Series since 1908, a whopping 108 years prior. Meanwhile, women won the right to vote in the United States in 1920. The two pillars of modern democracy: the right to vote and the right to brag. 5. If the characters from The Simpsons actually aged in real time, Homer would be 65, Marge would be 64, Bart would be 39, Lisa would be 37 and Maggie would be a grown-up 29. The Simpsons has been on the air for 28 seasons, but was recently renewed for both its 29th and 30th seasons. The total episode count so far is 623 and it will soon break the record for most episodes of a scripted TV series, ever when it reaches 635. The previous record-holder was Gunsmoke, which I'm pretty sure was like Brokeback Mountain minus all the good parts. 6. The jewelry company Tiffany & Co. has been around longer than Italy. Italy as we know it was formed when General Giuseppe Garibaldi united its various city-states into one nation in 1861. Meanwhile, Charles Lewis Tiffany and John B. Young formed Tiffany & Young in New York City in 1837, and the company later became Tiffany & Co. in 1853. [...]
Tue, Nov 21, 2017
Source: Very Funny

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