The 10 Best Dog Breeds Ranked, Objectively

10. Jack Russell Terrier

If you grew up in the 90’s, the odds are that at some point you asked your mom for a Jack Russell only to be told that they’re too much effort. Smart, energetic, and, above all else, cute, Jack Russells are the definition of a kid’s best bud. What’s more, there’s no better dog to cut to when the protagonist does something stupid.

9. Puli


I’ve never met a Puli. I don’t even know if I’ve ever seen on in real life. For all I know, they are the meanest creatures on earth, but I don’t care. They could be a breed of homophobe who survives on a strict diet of orphan meat, and they’d still deserve a spot on this list because they look like a sentient mop, and nothing they do is gonna change that. In short, they’re perfect.

8. St. Bernards


A dog that brings you alcohol? Sign me up immediately. Another staple of the 90s, St. Bernard more than make up for the daily gallon of slobber they produce with their smooshable faces and huggable bellies. If movies are to believed, these behemoths can destroy whole living rooms by simply shaking the mud off their fur. That said, I would consider it an honor to take off my dirty glasses and wipe them clean of sludge if it means I get to be in the presence of on of these goobers.

7. Bloodhounds


Look at this chill ass motherfucker. Bloodhounds are the kind of badasses who can solve murders by day then chill out at your feet while rocking a sweet ass Sherlock Holmes costume at night. They may not be the most energetic of pooches, but if you wanna just lay low and pet a pooch, you can’t beat these wrinkly little monsters.

6. Mutts


It’s at this point that a take a break from ranking dog breeds to point out that, genetically speaking, mutts are the best kind of dog. Dog breeding is an archaic and borderline evil practice that causes all sort of health defects in our furry friends. If given the choice between buying a purebred and adopting a mutt, you should always go with the latter. Okay, killjoy time over. Back to ranking dog breeds.

5. Bulldogs


Remember when I called dog breeding borderline evil? Well here’s your proof. These genetic deformities are sins against nature, but holy shit, they’re cute as hell. They’re just so wrong that they’re right again. Do I think they should exist? No. Do I want to take all the ones that do exist, dress them up in business suits and let the shower me with slobbery kisses? Of course I do.

4. Labrador Retrievers


Labs are cool ass dogs. They don’t need your …read more

Source: Very Funny

You may also like...

Leave a Reply