Listen - on the whole, dolphins are incredible creatures. They are intelligent beyond our comprehension, they can be genuinely loving and kind, and they are just overall pretty majestic creatures that (like most animals) have suffered greatly at the hands of humanity. They deserve reverence and respect...and a healthy dose of fear.
See, Lisa Frank gave everyone the impression that dolphins were ONLY these kindly sea buddies - but they have a dark side, too.
1. They can be more conniving and sneaky than you realize.
Dolphins are unbelievably intelligent - they're widely regarded as the 2nd most intelligent species on the planet (humans STILL in first place, woo!), but for the most part, we still regard them as animals...that is to say, we don't really give them their due. But we should - because it's genuinely terrifying how smart they really are.
Here's an excerpt from a Guardian article about a group of dolphins in a marine mammal institute in Mississippi, who were initially trained to pick up any litter that might fall into their holding area with a reward of some fish - and before long turned into an elaborate con game, all thanks to one particularly devious dolphin named Kelly:
Kelly has taken this task one step further. When people drop paper into the water she hides it under a rock at the bottom of the pool. The next time a trainer passes, she goes down to the rock and tears off a piece of paper to give to the trainer. After a fish reward, she goes back down, tears off another piece of paper, gets another fish, and so on. This behaviour is interesting because it shows that Kelly has a sense of the future and delays gratification. She has realised that a big piece of paper gets the same reward as a small piece and so delivers only small pieces to keep the extra food coming. She has, in effect, trained the humans.
Her cunning has not stopped there. One day, when a gull flew into her pool, she grabbed it, waited for the trainers and then gave it to them. It was a large bird and so the trainers gave her lots of fish. This seemed to give Kelly a new idea. The next time she was fed, instead of eating the last fish, she took it to the bottom of the pool and hid it under the rock where she had been hiding the paper. When no trainers were present, she brought the fish to the surface and used it to lure the gulls, which she would catch to get even more fish. After mastering this lucrative strategy, she taught her calf, who taught other calves, and so gull-baiting has become a hot game among the dolphins.
Forget the raptors from Jurassic Park - these are what we should be worried about.
2. Dolphin sexuality is horrifying
Dolphins have a surprising number of similar traits to humans, as evidenced by their overall intelligence, ways of communicating, and even falling in love. And, [...]
1. The Disappearing Act
The Disappearing Act greets you at the beginning of your meal and takes your orders, but beyond that you don't really see them all that much. You look for them, but you just can't seem to find them in the crowd. As your water cup dries out, you find yourself repeating the phrase "Is that our waiter" because you genuinely don't know. The memory of their face is a shadow lost to time. You start to think that every person who walks by might be them, but they almost never are. The identity of your server is a mystery that might never be solved. You hope it is, though, because you're thirsty and you want a refill.
2. The Overzealous Hoverer
On the other end of attentiveness is the Overzealous Hoverer. They clearly want to make sure that your every need is met, but...well they're overdoing it. They never seem to be more than a foot away from your table at all times and they've interrupted you twice to ask you if you need anything else. Their intentions are pure but, by the end of your meal, you end up talking to the waiter more than the people you're eating with and that wasn't really what you had in mind when you decided to eat out.
3. The Terrifying One
You're not sure why, but you're incredibly scared of this one. They're not mean, perse. Just something about their energy that makes you scared to ask for a refill on your bread basket. Their job is technically to serve you, but it's clear that the waiter is in charge on this one. You don't wanna do anything that might get you on this person's bad side.
4. The Newbie
It's pretty clear that this person hasn't been a waiter for very long, but the way they're acting it almost feels like they haven't been human for very long either. They REALLY don't know what you're doing. You try your best to be understanding but at a certain point it starts to bug you just a little bit. You'd never say this, of course, but you feel just the slightest bit ripped off. I mean, you're basically paying to help someone with their job training.
5. The Fucking Pro
Unlike The Newbie, this person knows what the fuck they're doing. Everything about them is on point. They get your order down to the smallest detail and don't even need to write it down. They field every strange request you have without blinking an eye and even manage to predict certain things before you even say them. Hell, even their shirt is tucked in well in a way that you didn't know was possible. Waiting tables is possible and when someone is THIS good at it, it's important they get their due.
6. The Oversharer
Establishing a relationship with the customer is very important but this waiter takes it to a whole new level. By the time they take your order, you already know their name, how many hours [...]